Archive for the Jokes Category
Published July 11th, 2007
Pass away the pointless hours with our list of things to do when you’re bored
THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message
See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.
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Published June 22nd, 2007
****Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiances, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) ****
These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in September / October this year…
DEAR WOMEN
List of Rules (Read and print them)
1. From 7 Sep to 20 October 2007, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the PVR is all mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
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Published May 25th, 2007
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing! Read the rest of this entry »
Published March 26th, 2007
George Bush and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bush told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bush sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you”, asked Bush. Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me. “My God, what did you tell them”, asks Bush. The driver replies, “I’m George Bush’s driver, and I just killed the pig”.
Published March 26th, 2007
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.
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Published March 26th, 2007
January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in printer !!!
March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”
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Published March 26th, 2007
- If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
- Why is it that if someone yells “duck” they are helping you but if someone yells “chicken” they are insulting you?
- Why do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the desk?
- If the number 2 pencil is the most popular pencil then why is it called number 2?
- Why do doctors call what they do practice?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Published March 23rd, 2007
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer ( WORK). Read the rest of this entry »
Published March 23rd, 2007
In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting as if he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie! what are you doing?” Charlie replied, “Can’t talk right now… I’m driving to Chicago!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how you doing?” Charlie says, “I’m exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.” “That’s great,” replied the nurse, “I’m glad you had a safe trip.” The nurse leaves Charlie’s room, and goes across the hall into Bob’s room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With surprise she asks, “Bob what are you doing!?” To which Bob replies, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife. He’s in Chicago!”